Bollocks to Bollards on Richmond Green

Dear Editor

Bollocks to bollards, the beauty of whose design is that they would restrict ease of access to Richmond Green: to old women, unable to lift a leg over the railings and forced to hobble to an allowed access point onto a concreted path, to disabled men their disability underscored by being unable to wheel themselves directly onto the Green, to young fathers unable to push baby carriages straight onto it, to men unable to take their pints onto the Green without having to lift their legs like dogs. The beauty of bollards is that they demean people while flattering the council with its importance in imposing them, justify the officer who conceived of them with his job’s worth and the self-importance of the self-appointed friends of this and that who depend for their importance on supporting the council and basking in reflected glory, feeding from its patronage, posing the while as representative of the submissive public they’re conspiring with it to inconvenience. A piss on your bollards I say, after downing a pint to supply the wherewithal to gild them, thus enhancing their ‘improvement’ of our environment.

Yours sincerely

John Cairns

The week after publication a woman crossing a street to me shouted “’Balls to bollards I say!’” “I said ‘bollocks’. They put ‘balls’.” And ‘pox’ for ‘piss’.

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About johnbrucecairns

I'm a retired history teacher who's written for most of his life with a book readied for publication.
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2 Responses to Bollocks to Bollards on Richmond Green

  1. Trish says:

    One of your better pieces- devoid of ‘matter’ I prefer not to read and more suited to a broad audience.

    Like

  2. Well, you won’t be reading the latest one then!

    Like

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