The letter begins: my darling John, I love u. That ‘u’ put me off and I remained unmoved throughout its two pages, probably because the sexual feeling I felt while he was here last time on day release was his, on analogy with the feeling of not being able to face ‘him’ I picked up from Matt and assumed was mine. That’s the only way I can explain my relative indifference while staying stuck in this relationship with John. Greg said not to dump him, I didn’t have sex with the twenty-five year old. He meant Matt. That was emotional! I protested but it was over though who can tell? I thought the fling was over, yet here he is, an overenthusiastic convert to gay love, as he calls it. He means sex.
Matt’s back. I hit him over the head with the prison letter. “Ouch!” he said, pleased.