I left Matt with a kiss he accepted pleasurably and which didn’t interfere with his engrossment in playing computer games. While I chatted with Fiona I kept looking at the back of his head. He’s infinitely more interested in silly games than in me who am infinitely more interesting than them – and modest withal – but I always knew that.
My friend Michelle missed me at the library but caught up with me at home. She’s had problems with plumbing. She advises being careful with Matt because she believes his ‘recovery from insanity’ is an excuse for not committing himself, that the earth never moved for her either.
It’s not really any decision I can effectively make to retract myself if my unconscious will is determing otherwise; it’ll override me. In fact would it let me reach even a conscious decision it didn’t want? After all, however much desire and possibly love might be on the back burner, they’re emotions within the province of the governing unconscious and I am incontestably able to live with them as for the moment they are though I might see no way forward or possible development from the present situation. Maybe I’ll erupt.
I’m being distracted by an ongoing confrontation between a customer and the library staff which is affecting everybody without looking likely to come to any resolution soon.