I thought this was going to be easy. Nothing’s easy the first time, is it? Do you know how long it took to get here? Of course not, if you can even comment, if I get that right. Roy knows cos I asked him, library staff, what to do (but eventually did get here myself) and Matt knows, if he was paying any attention and he was some, because he’s sitting beside me or I him; he was here, I sat beside – I like to be accurate.
It was a surprise to see him, a nice surprise, within the small limits of how he can surprise me; I’ve never seen him here before at this time and won’t ask – it’s not within the remit of relationship, which is small, not as small as Ryan’s with me and I’ve to go to the Sun tomorrow night to his farewell do. I must. Ryan asked, his sister asked, his mother asked. Ryan asks me to his eighteenth birthday, his twenty-first and this but we don’t frequent each other. Occasionally I push with champagne in the fridge but it’d be wrong, I know it would, where with Matt it was right he should come back with me while I interrogated him. I call it the interrogation or the interview but it’s really an interrogation: getting as much info as possible in the shortest time and usually a one-off. Feels like a one-off. I’m a person of indifference to him.
I don’t know if the desire for him is still there or the peep’s gone out but it probably has because probably unconscious bait for me to sustain interest and find out what I did find out or had confirmed because I knew, improbable though it was he should not at his age. I’m not telling you what. Maybe another time – see how this goes